In my experience over many years in exploring intimacy, I’ve noticed a larger pattern where expansion sometimes brings up deep pain.​

When people put in the love, work and commitment to show up for each other over time and put energy in the day-to-day of cultivating presence, feeling, allowing and receptivity in their individual practice and in relationship while also exposing their dark places — a new level of safety begins to build. ​ ​

This safety then allows the really deep stuff to emerge unexpectedly.​

It maybe that one day you are with partner and a huge argument ensues out of knowhere. ​ Things were going great and you thought everything was fine. ​ ​

When things get too good, too loving, too amazing, too miraculous, too happy its also overwhelming — just like dealing with trauma and conditioning and challenge that are “too much.” ​ Overwhelm can happen on all sides of spectrum.​

What’s happening is the masculine and feminine polarities are stretching and opening a new place inside both of you that’s similar to finding an unexplored valley of never-before-seen magical plants, animals and minerals that inspire awe and wonder and is almost “too good to be true.”​

This is the new Baseline, this is the new home that is welcoming you to enter and requires a stretching into a deeper allowance so more love can circulate inside yourself and with your partner.​

Its kind of screwed up that it may show up in one of these earth-shaking arguments that seem to threaten the foundations of relationship itself — but really there’s no other way because the energy has to become so big so things can really move from a felt sense and not go back to their old patterning.​

What’s really happening is the foundations are like molten lava forming a new ground, a new Baseline — a new normal.​

My suggestion is that if you feel one of these earth-shaking arguments show up that rattles you to the core when you thought you were good — its most likely there’s a bunch of grief there and any crusty anger on top is old and stinky and covering up the sweet waters inside you that are longing to move after having been dammed up for so long.​

If you do become conscious, rather than blame the other for bringing this deep pain up, be the first one to be vulnerable as the courageous peace-maker and stop the argument, find your seat in your positive pole (gentials for men / heart, chest, and breasts for women) and offer your partner a hug after you’ve hugged yourself internally. ​ Maybe you can do this in the moment, maybe it takes a few days or some time.​

Either way, this is courage and gives you an opportunity to relax and receive what you deserve rather than perceiving you have to fight to get it. ​ ​

The opening here is a new normal of Love that is deeply healing and nourishing for all sides. ​ ​

Don’t reject this Love so quickly (i.e. react in the argument) because its been there looking for you for a while and finally caught up to you. ​ ​

Stop fleeing Life and receive this new Baseline as the new normal in your Life — not some one-off event that can only happen after you’ve jumped over millions of hurdles. ​ ​

You deserve it.​

All Blessings,​

Neil​