(A Post for Men)

“A Woman Is Always Testing a Man’s Safety…A Man is Always Testing a Woman’s Receptivity” — this is one of the fundamental principles I’ve seen over and over again in relationships.

A caveat to this principle is that Women are also testing the nourishment factor of a relationship. What do I mean?

Safety needs to be given.

The need for safety is very deep because if you consider how a woman is always taking in her environment literally into her body and then responding through her felt sense — you can imagine if an environment isn’t safe then it is going to be very stressful for a woman.

I’ve noticed that men are receptive to their environment (I’m generalizing and there’s an exception to every rule) — but the depth of how a man takes his environment in and how a woman does this is very different. A man has more of a buffer to ignore, be oblivious, or de-sensitized to his environment.

Now beyond safety, the woman needs to feel nourishment in her Heart by how she feels around her man. I.E. she needs to feel you are engaged in the relationship. Otherwise, she will get depleted and the charge in the relating will die.

As men, if we want the women who are in our lives to reflect back clearly what’s going on then we need to support and respond to women in all the different types of communication she may engage you in.

I’m outlining 3 ways I’ve seen here but I’m sure there’s more.

1 – Women will ask informational questions (More Safety Based)

These kinds of questions assist her in clarifying what’s happening and how is the environment or her partner transforming. These questions tend to be more practical and straightforward and less subtle. They are information gathering-type questions and straightforward usually.

2 – Women will present you with large emotions, difficult situations, things that are weighing on her Heart (Safety / Nourishment Mix) sometimes phrased as questions, sometimes as pokes, sometimes as complaints, sometimes subtle comments, sometimes as asking you a question that she really wants to respond to herself and have you listen to.

Your job here is to assist her to stabilize and then clarify what’s happening. This requires deep listening and presence. Your focus is going to be on her. This is not really a back and forth per se — it’s more of you using your presence and sensitivity to remove anything that’s been jabbed into her Heart and Chest and Throat so her expression can clear out the blockage.

It’s amazing how much a man’s presence can assist her process of opening her Heart and how you showing up for a woman in this way demonstrates your commitment to her and the safety of the relationship.

Remember you don’t need “to do” anything or “to fix” anything.

Understand that women need to clear emotional blockages out of their chests regularly. This is because, as I mentioned above, since women are taking so much of their environment in all the time — things are bound to get clogged. You helping her do this is a form of safety / nourishment.

Recognize that when you get into a relationship with a woman, you are signing up for this whether you like it or not. So learn to like it and see where you can cultivate more of your masculine in the process.

3 – Women will ask relationship questions (more nourishment-based questions) i.e. bids for connection to lead to turning her on

This one is more subtle. She might ask you a question on how you feel — maybe something like “are you excited for your new job?” — and what she’s really asking for, is for you to nourish the relationship by speaking out your firm truth so that she has something to dance with and has something to brush up against to connect to, have a back-and-forth with and turn her on.

So, even if you feel like crap or weak, be firm in the weakness and expose it — the content doesn’t matter — what matters is your felt solidity in yourself.

This is like a tennis volley or an echo bouncing back and forth. The more you can keep the energy moving, invigorated, enlivening the more she can open to you and take you in.

This is a back-and-forth dance where the energy gets to get bigger between you both.

Remember, a woman is loyal to her feelings and in order for feelings to arise in her so she can orient herself — she needs movement. Movement means back-and-forth, it means engaging and keeping the energy going. Not stopping the energy. It means responding to her nourishment-based bids for connection that lead to turn on.

Women want to know you are nourishing the relationship. This creates charge and turn on.

Feel into these aspects of the feminine communication to assist her being a clear reflection of her environment and allowing her Love to circulate through all she’s attending to and allow all that Love to spill over onto you too!

All Blessings,

Neil

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