Just like the Liver and Spleen in Chinese Medicine need to be in balance where the Liver is Engaging the Body and the Spleen is the Release of Body — we need to remember to resource and challenge in a balanced way.

Consider our work as a fire that needs to burn over the course of the rest of our life — the fire needs to be a slow but a warm burn to sustain us. If you stick a bunch of logs in your wood stove you’ll get the chimney pipe red hot and disintegrate your structure or you snuff the fire. If you don’t put enough wood in you’ll be chilly when its 10 degrees outside and not warm enough to meet the day.

Balance it out.

I invite individuals and couples to a high degree of accountability and self-reflection when directly working me — this is challenging. Initially, this process will reveal messes and might speed you up with having to “fix” everything. In this case, the flight/flight reaction that’s normally being stimulated by the unconscious mess around you is now transferred to this unconscious rushing to clean everything up so no one sees.

Thereby, you are attempting to clean things up in the same unconscious way that you were reacting to the mess. This doesn’t work. The approach needs to change. You can’t meet the frequency of the mess with the frequency of the mess.

So what to do? See this as well and slow down. Let it all be seen for as long as things take to transform! And laugh a lot.

Mainly — meet your challenge with resourcing.

Find your Liver / Spleen Balance — your Engaging / Releasing Balance.

The release into the magnetism of the polarity needs to be nourished just as much as engaging with the mess. So what do I mean by this?

Stretch = Challenge = Growing the Capacity of the Magnetism to Hold Intimacy

Release = Resource = Polishing the Magnetism = Feeling the Differences

Some examples of Resourcing are exploring boundaries where you are not munged together with your partner. The space allows energy back in which allows the charge to build which creates the spark between the relationship so you can feel the polarity of the relationship and what made you want to be in relationship with your partner in the first place. Its dropping back into the origins of that space — even if for a moment as that little drop-in lets the energy swell back into everything like a spring mountain stream filling a dry lake bed.

Some ways of Polishing the Magnetism:

Take space. Consider your living situation — maybe you need separate bedrooms, maybe you need separate living spaces entirely. Maybe you don’t. Notice what is killing the charge and back up out of that compression so you can gain perspective, a feeling your differences, and you make space for energy to circulate.

For Men, spend time with your genitals and ground into your power — this charges you up. See and feel her without needing to be seen and felt — this charges you up. Take care of your needing to be seen on your own from now on — this is a way to learn self-reliance which is inherently resources you — which charges you up. When you do need to be seen by her recognize it flips the polarity and you occupy the feminine space — over time this drains a woman’s love and her chest. Let go of possession of her Love and accept that she may leave at anytime without warning. And, so her Love is a gift — always — that you don’t possess, its only hers and she choses when to give it.

For Women, clear and fill your chest up. Resource with other Women in a Woman’s Circle, find your dance or movement class. Have your Man listen to you and be present with your Chest –> where you are the one receiving. And let him know how to be with this place in your body and what’s nourishing for you.

Let’s take a look at what Polishing the Magnetism is NOT.

Self-Obsession IS THE OPPOSITE of Polishing the Magnetism.
Self-Obsession IS THE OPPOSITE of Release.
Self-Obsession IS THE OPPOSITE of Resourcing.

Self-Obsession dulls the shine and drains the energy, kills the charge, and flips the polarity so its topsy-turvy — top-heavy and bottom-light which is not sustainable.

Ease melts Self-Obsession. Not having to defend, justify, or blame melts Self-Obsession.

Make space. Make it easy.

Remember attempting to burn through all your challenge at one big go in some kind of race, competition, or achievement of perfection will only hurt you. It’s not about winning or being better, its about listening, slowing down, and being in it for the day-to-day, moment-to-moment, long haul that never ends while we are alive.

That’s courage, that’s part of what it means to feed Love.